I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's the barista slut.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
