Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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