A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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