You kept trying to hail an ambulance
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
