Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
