is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
