My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
