I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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