im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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