You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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