Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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