Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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