UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
