I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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