I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
