Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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