i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize