i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize