Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize