I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize