We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
