found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
