he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
