Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
