and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
