she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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