You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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