Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
