every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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