I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
