I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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