My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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