I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
