I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
