Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
