I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
