stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
