She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
