just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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