He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
