Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
