you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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