Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
