my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
