she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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