Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
