dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
