how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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