just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
