I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
whose parrot is this?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
