New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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