Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
