No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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