I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
