He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When did angry sex become our thing?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Who died my cat blue again?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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