but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
