Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
