This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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