it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
