so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
