happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize