he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize