I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm really busy with my period
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