cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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