Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
